Where Change Begins
Melanie Rietveld All change begins with belief in possibility. This seems so simple, practically a “no duh!” statement. Yet it’s so common that we desire change in one or more areas of our lives but unconsciously decide it’s not possible for us, so we don’t even try.
The reasons we give ourselves are so familiar and sound so true that we hardly even notice we’re doing it. We mistakenly think our thoughts are the truth. Welcome to the prison of limiting beliefs, where much is desired and little is achieved. How can we escape and be empowered to achieve our goals and make our dreams come true?
The first step is always awareness.
In order to discover how your belief system may be holding you back, you’ll have to get really curious and start paying attention to your thoughts. This is often referred to as mindfulness, or as Eckhart Tolle stated, becoming ‘the watcher of your thoughts.’ This definitely takes practice and commitment. It also should be approached with the attitude of curious compassion for yourself rather than judgment or self-condemnation.
The second step is running all these thoughts through a new filter.
It’s important here to learn how to separate the facts from the fiction, which is all the stories and meaning we humans attach to both the circumstances and events in our lives. To make this easier, let’s look at the definition of a “fact.” In dictionary terms, a fact is anything that can be universally agreed upon. The fiction is our interpretation, and what we make the fact mean about ourselves, others, or the world. This is often where our human brains get us. We think our interpretation is a fact, but it is not. For example, I could tell you, “my dad was a jerk!” In my mind, that may seem true, but another person may think that he wasn’t a jerk, since he never physically abused me. The fact is that he was a man who reacted to his anger and frustration in ways I didn’t like. Period.
Another way I’ve heard this described is that circumstances are neutral until we think a thought and attach meaning to it. I don’t agree with this entirely, but for the sake of illustration let’s say that it’s true all the time. It would explain why I’m beyond heartbroken if my cat dies, but less so if I were to hear that someone else’s cat died on the other side of the world. My emotion is determined by the thoughts I have and the meaning I give to the situation.
An important distinction here is that we’re not trying to deny reality. It was Byron Katie who said, “when you argue with reality, you lose – only 100 percent of the time.” One hallmark of her message was that we increase suffering when we believe circumstances should be different than they are, and that we can learn to look at circumstances, even painful ones, as happening for us rather than to us. She authored several books, among them is one of my favorites, Loving What Is.
The third step is to examine the limiting beliefs that have arisen from the stories we’ve been telling ourselves and create new ones.
That is where the magic happens and true freedom is found. For example, my dad became permanently disabled when I was 8 years old. He battled not only a myriad of physical problems, but depression and mental illness for the rest of his life. In my immaturity, I thought I was less of a person because of my father’s issues and the hardship that they brought on our family! I let that story define who I thought I was and what was possible for me. It seems obvious now that it was just a disempowering story. Who knows, maybe I even used it as an excuse to avoid trying because I was afraid. The new story is one that serves me and honors my late father. It sounds like this, “my dad was such a brave man to get up everyday with all the physical and mental pain that he endured! He was a good man who loved his family and did the best he could. He is so proud of the woman I’ve become. The work I do brings honor to him that he never got to experience in life.” That story feels amazing!
The fourth step is to keep on keepin’ on!
Learn as much as you can and commit to a path of lifetime growth. The decision to shed limiting beliefs is an ongoing process. Just when you think you’ve made monumental progress, you’ll be faced with a circumstance that will knock you on your can and tempt you to think that this was all for naught. You may even discover a limiting belief that was lurking beneath the surface and needs to be addressed. That’s exactly the time you’ll need to believe the hardest and refuse to give up! You’ve been given the dreams and desires in your heart for a reason, and part of the joy of the journey is who you’re becoming on the way to achieving them.
If this concept resonates with you and you’d like to explore it further through coaching, I’d love to visit with you.
Receive regular doses of Abundant Hope
Subscribe to have the newsletter delivered directly to your inbox.
Start Feeling Better Now!
Choosing a path of greater peace and health is just one decision away. Sign up to receive your complimentary Guide, Overcoming Limiting Beliefs.
