Hack Your Habits with the Stages of Change
Melanie Rietveld Habits…we’ve all got ‘em! In many ways they make our lives easier. It’s a beautiful thing that we don’t have to consciously think about brushing our teeth, tying our shoes or driving a car. On the other hand, when you find yourself enslaved to habits that don’t serve you, it can be incredibly hard to break free. It takes intentional effort and sometimes seems like a relentless uphill battle. So, where do you start?
The science of habit formation and reversal is fascinating and complex. If you’re a bit of a science nerd like me, below are linked two books you might enjoy that go deep into the subject. (1), (2)
Maybe you’re not that interested in the science-y angle. You just want to know how to eliminate the bad habits and add the good ones. One great place to start is to understand The Stages of Change (3), (transtheoretical model). Learning this information can help you gain awareness of both your habits and where you are on the continuum in a particular area. It will also give you an arsenal of tools to help you move to the next stage.
What are the stages of change and how can they help you change your behavior patterns? As mentioned above, change often happens on a continuum. You may barely be aware of the process in some areas of your life, and it can be remarkably clear in other areas. Whether beneath your conscious awareness or not, it’s typical to go through these stages when making change:
You are likely in PRECONTEMPLATION if you hear yourself saying things like:
“I can’t because…”
“I would but…”
“Now is just not the right time”
“I’ve got too much on my plate to think about…”
If you recognize these statements regarding certain habits in your life, here are proven strategies to start moving the needle in a new direction. At this stage, it’s all about raising your own level of awareness and increasing the reasons to change:
- Do some research to learn the benefits of adopting the desired behavior.
- Tune in to your emotions: How do you feel when you do the current behavior? How would you feel if you had the desired habit well in place?
- Ask yourself some hard questions: What underlying need does this habit fulfill in your life? What is the eventual outcome if you don’t make a change? What is the best possible outcome if you do?
- Think about the impact of this habit on others. What kind of role model do you want to be? Is this habit directly or indirectly hurting someone you love?
- What are the social ramifications of your behavior, if any?
You are likely in CONTEMPLATION if you hear yourself saying things like:
“I’ll do it when…”
“I want to, but…”
“Maybe I should get serious about…”
As is true in precontemplation, it’s common to experience ambivalence during this stage. It’s also common to doubt yourself. You may wonder if you have the motivation, confidence or commitment to make lasting change. If you find yourself in contemplation, some helpful strategies are to:
- Make a list of all the benefits of changing the habit.
- Become aware of the triggers, both internal and environmental, for the current behavior.
- Define for yourself what kind of person you want to be. This is so powerful. Not only do you want to see it in your mind, you want to feel it in your heart. These positive emotions are a major key to creating lasting change.
- Seek out inspiring stories of people who’ve adopted the habit or made the change that you desire to make. Stories can help build confidence and motivation.
You’ll know you are in PREPARATION when you hear yourself say things like:
“I’m going to…”
“I’m getting ready to…”
“It’s time to…”
If you hear yourself saying these types of statements, celebrate! You are on the path to creating change. At this stage it can be helpful to:
- Develop a coherent plan
- Set a start date
- Tell people you know who will support your efforts
- Think through potential obstacles and plan workarounds
- Decide how you are going to keep yourself motivated
- Figure out what type of accountability is best suited to your personality
When you are in action, make sure that you:
- Congratulate yourself on how far you’ve come! This is a big deal! (Being proud of yourself actually triggers your brain to release dopamine, which will make you want to continue the behavior! How cool is that?)
- Remind yourself WHY keeping up with this behavior is important to you
- Get support if you run into obstacles or are tempted to quit
Other ways to keep up your habit are to:
- Keep on keepin’ on! You’re doing great!
- Recognize that setbacks are common during times of stress or illness
- Decide in advance how you will deal with setbacks (this is where giving yourself a healthy dose of grace and self-compassion can work wonders.)
- Choose to consolidate your gains (4) when things are going well
It’s my sincere wish that this brief explanation of the change process will help you gain insight into your own habits and more easily identify what the next step might be when you desire change in a particular area. The key point to remember is this: all humans (including you!) are doing their best in every moment to meet universal human needs! (5) Keeping this in mind can help you practice self-compassion and intentionally choose how you want to meet your legitimate needs, rather than staying stuck in deeply ingrained habits.
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